She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
