these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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