Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
