they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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