i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You are a genius and a whore.
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