Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
