okay pat passed out under dana's car
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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