your room smells of hookers.
And success
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i now understand why vodka
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
