Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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