Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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