as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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