We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I supernannyed him into submission
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize