He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
