I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
