we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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