Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
