the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There r osticjed everywhere
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
