I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize