I haven't been this sober since birth.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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