i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
