Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
