Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
