does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
