guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
