Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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