We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
