I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
