nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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