There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
