Me. At least after what I've been through.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
