I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize