matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
