I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize