i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
