do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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