Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
