singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize