Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
