You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
