If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
