Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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