i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
