So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
