i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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