I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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