he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
