We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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