just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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