there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
