Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
