I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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