The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Randomize
