If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
