I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
