i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize