moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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