so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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