She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
