He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize