i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
