I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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