i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize