no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize