She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
