some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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