Quick, to the slutcave!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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