I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize