I could have mohawked her pubes.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize