Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
